This week’s interesting RAW starts with HHH coming out to the ring in wrestling gear, a HHH t-shirt and ball cap. King and Cole announced the count of the people in the arena twice and talked about selling out, all before HHH spit his water – pushing it to TNA a little? HHH take a lot of time with his entrance, even more than usual. “Triple H” chants. He tells them not to suck up to him because he’s the only guy here. In case you’ve been living in a cave and haven’t seen the news, a giant volcano erupted, twice. It really freaked out the world. Travel is screwed up all over the world. In the WWE they’re used to giant gaseous eruptions, but it’s usually Big Show and Mexican food. A volcano did erupt and the entire RAW roster is in Europe. They’re thinking they have to watch HHH wrestle a two hour Iron Man Match with Frank the audio guy. Since he wasn’t on this tour, they – the mysterious them – have been working hard to make sure there’s a great show. He’s there tonight and will be in Baltimore when he faces Sheamus in a Street fight. That’s right, if that pasty faced tea bag makes it back from where they are, he’ll beat Sheamus any color… other than white. Sheamus thinks he made an impression by hitting Kofi over the head with a monitor. If Sheamus’ bad, HHH is deadly. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted to dole out a beating like this. HHH is cut off by Punk, Gallows and Serena came around the corner, looking a bit timid and out of their own show, but then down to the ring getting back to themselves. Punk says fortunately for this show the SD! crew had the intestinal fortitude to make it back to friendly shores. Unfortunately they’re in New Jersey. Punk says he has two words for ya, Jersey sucks! He’s out there to let everyone know that next week he might not be part of the SD! crew. He might be a part of RAW and will bring the Straight Edge Society with him. HHH says he’s bringing the entire Straight Edge Society with him? Punk mean like, both of them? There’s only two right? And why do they have to shave their heads and Punk doesn’t? HHH’s seen him without his shirt and he has the entire mohair sweater going on there. Did she have to shave her chest? Punk says the reason he doesn’t have to shave his head and HBK. Punk’s the leader. No foreign chemicals have touched his hair. HHH said foreign chemicals like shampoo and soap, right? HHH says it won’t make a difference anyway. He’s pacing Rey in a hair match. Next week Punk won’t only be the president of the hair club for men, but also a client. Punk says HHH actually thinks Rey will beat him? He’ll crush Rey’s spirit and everyone will discover Straight Edge is the most powerful on the planet. HHH could let Straight Edge into his heart and make many lives better, including his own. “You suck” chants. HHH says he makes a great point, but the fans do too. They’ve had this conversation before. HHH believes in freedom. Like all the fans chose to be here, they chose to be part of the WWE Universe, they decide to go crazy. HHH goes to the front row and say this guy can drink all the beer they want as long as he has a ride home, he can do this. If these two guys want to drive to another state and celebrate their union, maybe even adopt a kid, they can do it. The two guys laughed lightly at the joke. Then HHH went over to Lillian! Lillian’s there!!! If Lillian wants to come back for one night just to horse around, she can do it. HHH makes horse noises into the mic. That’s the beauty of a free country, people can do as they choose. He turns his hat around. If he wants to beat the heck out of Punk, he can! Punk says no one wants to be there right now. RAW’s stuck in Europe, they’re stuck in Jersey. Punk thought he’d see the light, want to start of Monday night with something huge. That HHH would shave his head, but there’s been a miscommunication, he’s not asking HHH, he’s telling him. They attack HHH and he does well at first, but the numbers got ahead of him. Gallows grabbed HHH and Punk kicked him. Even Serena hit HHH. Gallows grabbed a chair and set it up. Serena grabbed the clippers, but Rey came out. Rey took out Punk, then Gallows. Rey and HHH both hit Gallows and clotheslined him out. Rey with the clippers and Punk cornered between Rey and HHH. Punk up and turns to HHH and gets punched down. Rey took a good chunk of hair off the top of Punk’s head – about 4+ inches right in the front – before Gallows made the save. They all backed up the ramp while Punk freaked out holding his head. Video of Punk losing some hair at the hands of Rey. HHH paces in the ring while Rey holds the clippers and grins maniacally!
Drew McIntyre in the ring with Matt Hardy.
Matt on drew pretty hard in a corner. Drew out of the corner but ate a swinging neck breaker. Drew sent outside and Matt out after him. Drew sits up on the barrier and kicks Matt off and into the apron. Drew slides Matt back in and corners him. Out of the corner Matt eats a clothesline. Matt seems to be blinded for some reason but is able to hit a side effect for two. Drew rushes Matt and eats a foot. Matt takes drew down for another two. Drew goes for his finisher but ends up in a back body drop. Matt tries for a twist of fate, but drew pushes out. Matt back out from the corner and the bonk heads. Matt up top and drew takes his legs out from under Matt and pins for three.
– Winner: Drew McIntyre
Drew called for his belt quickly, posed and fled the ring.
King and Cole talk about how the volcano has kept them stranded in Belfast, Ireland. Cena on satelite says they’re very safe but sorry they can’t be there. Cole says Cena has a monumental match, how’s he preparing? Cena says it’s the way it should be, but he might have to swim to this match, but he’ll be there. Cena says he’ll be the last one standing and the champ will be here!
Double Down Showdown – Kozlov and Carlito last week talking about who is hosting this week. They decided they’re getting what they want or they’re taking out MacGruber.
Kozlov in the ring say he’s been treated terribly. The fans can’t understand him, so he demands King reads his statement. King laughs but gets in the ring. King takes it and the mic. “Jerry” chants. King says Kozlov is protesting the unfair treatment by the RAW guest hosts. He’s an elite athlete who deserves elite treatment. They wouldn’t understand as they’re all spoiled, ignorant Americans. They’re all physically inferior, so weak. They’re from a state devoid of class of integrity. The single most depressing place on earth, New Jersey. He can’t wait for his fellow Russian to buy the Mets and move it out of this state forever. King leaves and Kozlov says he’s ready for competition. MacGruber music plays. Lillian announces Vicki St. Elmo and MacGruber – the come out as their characters in the movie. MacGruber has an American flag in hand. MacGruber says he likes to make people read things? Vicki? She reads a card that says Mr. McMahon has made a super powered main event – Punk, Gallows and Jericho versus HHH, Rey and Edge. MacGruber asks Kozlov who he thinks he is, no one rips on the state of New Jersey. Some of the greatest Americans of all time are from New Jersey. John Bon Jovi, Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Snookie and The Situation! Kozlov isn’t treated fairly, Vicki, what’s Russian for giant pile of suck? Kozlov tells him he’ll hurt him. MacGruber says he won’t say anything about Kozlov, but his mother… the single most dark, cobweb infested place isn’t New Jersy, it’s his mother’s uterus. Vicki calls him Vlad and say she knows his mother’s uterus must be lovely. Kozlov said he will hurt him later. MacGruber says Vlad needs a dose of truth. Out comes R-Truth. MacGruber gets right in Kozlov’s face and says he has no where to run. If he does the whole place is rigged with explosives. MacGruber goes back and forth yelling ‘what’s up?’ with R-Truth until there’s a huge explosion and all that’s left is R-Truth’s smoking boots. MacGruber freaked about what he did. Kozlov said later tonight he’ll destroy MacGruber. MacGruber agreed to everything Kozlov says, totally freaked.
A MacGruber video spot. Then MacGruber couldn’t figure out how to get out of the building. HHH came up and called MacGruber on it. HHH says MacGruber looks like he had an accident. MacGruber says he dumped water. HHH says it doesn’t smell like water. MacGruber says they’re not his pants. His friend peed his pants and he volunteered to wear them until they dried. HHH walked MacGruber trough that whole chain of thought. MacGruber says this is his friend. It’s Kane. HHH explains the whole peed pants thing to Kane. Kane wasn’t impressed. MacGruber runs off. Kane says he doesn’t think that’s the only thing he did in those pants!
King and Cole go through the matches slated for Extreme Rules.
Randy Orton on satelite feed. After Sunday night, the WHC will end up where ever Orton’s going to be.
Slam Of The Week – Swagger had to put his title on the line in a Triple Threat Match on SD! Swagger somehow pulled out the win after stealing it from Edge.
Lillian, in a kick ass black dress with many draped silver chains, announces Jack Swagger. Swagger walks around the ring like he owns it. He tells Randy talk is cheap when you’re 3,000 miles away. If Orton was there he’d prove what he’d do to Orton this Sunday. Swagger called for a ref and issued an open challenge. He knows what they’re thinking, when someone issues an open challenge, a big monster comes out and destroys them, but they’re not him. Anyone who thinks they can go with the All American American, the WHC, come on out! Swagger stands there and waits. Finally he says that’s what he thought. As Swagger steps through the ropes – GONG. Before the lights go out we see Swagger close his eyes, realizing what he’d done. Taker comes stalking out in his new sleeveless leather coat, hood up. On the steps he raises the lights. Swagger looks on, eyes wide.
They dance around a bit before locking up. Side headlock on Taker! Taker pushes out but is dropped by a shoulder block! Side headlock on Swagger. Swagger is dropped with a shoulder block. Taker goes to work on Swagger’s left arm. Arm bars, pulls, leg drop on that arm for two. Taker up and hits old school on Swagger. Taker pulls Swagger up, but Swagger starts kicking Taker’s knee. Scoop slam to Taker for two. Swagger stomps Taker until he rolls out of the ring. Taker leans on the steps to regain himself and punches Swagger when he gets out there. Swagger reversed Taker into the steps. Swagger into the ring acting as it it’s done. Swagger out and rolls Taker back in. Swagger starts working Taker’s left leg. Taker sells the leg pain well. Swagger wraps Taker’s leg around a rope and wrenches it. Swagger again back on that leg. Punches to Taker’s head. Swagger grabs the front of Swagger’s tights and sends him flying from the ring. Outside Taker stomps Swagger. Swagger set up on the apron and Taker up and drops his leg in what Cole calls ‘vintage’! both back in the ring. Taker hit’s a nice snap suplex on Swagger for two. Dueling “Let’s go Swagger” possibly by one guy, and “Swagger sucks” chants.
Swagger with Taker on his back with his leg wrenched. Taker fights out but Swagger goes right after that left leg again. Taker tries everything to fight out of this hold. Swagger drops down on Taker leg once, twice, three times and continues the hold. Taker tries to get out and they look like a writhing mass of arms and legs. “Undertaker!” chants. Taker free and sends Swagger flying out. Swagger tries to work that leg from outside. Swagger wraps Taker’s leg around the ringpost as the ref starts to count Swagger out. Swagger in and pins for two. Swagger back on Taker’s left leg but Taker gets out fairly quickly. Taker and Swagger up. They exchange blows with the fans right behind them. Swagger seems to get the upper hand, but no! Swagger kicks the leg again, but Taker comes back with a DDT for a long two. Swagger into a corner and then Taker gets Swagger up for snake eyes and then Taker drops a leg for another long two. Taker sets up for the end. Choke locked on but Swagger elbows out. Swagger runs the ropes and eats a big boot! Taker ready for another choke attempt, but Swagger wrapped around Taker and hit a DDT for two. Taker down on the mat. Swagger goes for his splash but is caught by that big hand. Choke slam! Taker gets Swagger up (Swagger actually knows how to take the tombstone, unlike Super Cena) and took to tombstone like a pro. Taker pinned for three.
– Winner: Taker
Taker walks the ring working out that knee. Video replays of the key moves that ended the match. Taker down on one knee and poses.
King and Cole are talking MacGruber. They then talk about other WWE Superstars in movies. Video from MacGruber showing a bunch of Superstars – Khali, MVP, Henry, Big Show, Jericho.
Jericho backstage with the Straight Edge Society. Punk has a towel wrapped around his head. They keep interrupting Jericho. Jericho says he knows how to handle these guys and listen to what he says. Jericho comes up on Vicki and MacGruber, they’re star struck at Jericho. Jericho says that he made the movie and the sequel will be Jer-EE-Koh! MacGruber is worried about his match. Jericho tells MacGruber to extend his hand to Kozlov, then when he’s off his game, attack! MacGruber is thrilled to have a friend like him. MacGruber hugs him. Vicki is all star struck about Jer-EE-Koh!
Kozlov in the ring getting ready for his match. Video of MacGruber saying the arena was rigged with explosives, then they went off leaving only R-Truth’s smoking boots. Back to Kozlov in the ring. MacGruber comes out looking stiff and freaked, Vicki in tow. Kozlov right up in MacGruber’s face and stares down at him. MacGruber extends his hand, Kozlov didn’t accept it. MacGruber slapped him and the bell rings.
Head butts to MacGruber. Someone yells from the ring and calls Kozlov a big bully. Ryan Phillippe comes out and says he’s spoken to the WWE offices and it’s now a handicap match. His half brother Khaluber is tagging with him. (Looks like Khali wasn’t able to fly out either!) Out comes Khaluber with his bad mullet, MacGruber outfit and strut! Kozlov on Khaluber, but has no chance. Kozlov into a corner and Khaluber chops Kozlov’s chest. Khaluber really plays the role well, but Kozlov fights back. Khaluber hit’s a chop to the top of Kozlov’s head and he rolls from the ring. Kozlov up the ramp and Khaluber chases him up the ramp. MacGruber is in the ring with Vicki and Ryan Phillippe, Kozlov is counted out.
– Winner: MacGruber & Khaluber
It doesn’t matter where you’re from, America’s the best country in the world. And the best movies, Shrek Four opening… Vicki whispers in his ear and he pushes his own movie. He talks up MacGruber and then a huge explosion on the stage.
Promo for next week’s three hour RAW Draft Special, starting at 8!
Video of the growing feud between Batista and Cena. They then go on to the rest of the matches slated for Extreme Rules.
HHH comes out again, this time sans shirt and hat. On the tron is Sheamus in a white shirt, tweed vest and tie worn loose inside his shirt collar. He says he heard what HHH said earlier and knows he saw what Sheamus did to Kofi last week. They’re three thousand miles apart tonight but he’s going to tell him… No, he’s going to show him. Sheamus attacked a crew member. HHH looks on glaring.
Edge comes out to join him, limping a little. Video of Jericho stomping on Edge’s surgically repaired ankle, then kicked the steps into Edge’s ankle. Rey then comes out to round out their team. Punk leads his Straight Edge Society to the ring. Rey’s all smiles. Jericho out to round out their team.
Jericho on Rey hard, but Rey fights back and drop Jericho on the second rope. Jericho drops out, Punk and Gallows over to see him. Edge in flings Rey for extra speed and HHH flings Rey out onto the three.
Chinlock from Punk on Rey. Rey fights out but is whipped. Rey gets a foot up but then ends up eating the top turnbuckle. Gallows tags in and drops elbow after elbow onto Rey and pins for two. Jericho tags in and stomps Rey in the heel corner. Suplex to Rey. Rey kicks Jericho in the head over and over but can’t make it to tag out. Jericho takes way to long to line Rey up, but then sends him flying into the corner. Jericho yells smack at Rey but then eats a Rey foot. Rey then flies onto Jericho for two. Edge and Gallows tag in. Edge works over Gallows and then a cheap shot to Punk. Gallows down over and over. Edge sets up Gallows for the spear, but Serena up on the apron and Jericho grabs Edge from behind. Edge on the floor holding his ankle. Back in the ring Punk tags in and stomps Edge’s ankle. Edge screams in pain. Jericho tags in and takes a lot of time strutting around and posing before going after Edge and stomping his ankle on the second rope. Jericho then chokes Edge on the second ropes. Jericho pulls Edge back over to the heel corner by his ankle and tags in Punk. Serena yells smack from outside. Edge kicks Punk a couple times and gets free, but Gallows tags in and works over Edge. Edge fights back and comes off a corner with a clothesline to Gallows. Punk and HHH tag in. Punk eats a high knee, then a face buster. Clothesline to Punk for two. Punk eats a spine buster in a ‘vintage’ move. Gallows rushes in and clotheslines HHH when he sets up for the pedigree. Rey flies in with a seated senton to Gallows. Jericho sends Rey out. Edge in and clotheslines Jericho out. Edge trips Punk to land on the ropes where Rey hit’s a 619. HHH hits his pedigree on Punk and pins for three.
– Winners: Rey, Edge & HHH
Hands raised across the ring and then they regroup. Video of Jericho throwing Rey from the ring, then Edge tossing Jericho out. HHH hits his pedigree. The three faces pose in the ring.
Orton – on the tron from Ireland
Punk & the Straight Edge Society
Sheamus – on the tron from Ireland