RAW Report 7/13/09 Orlando, Florida

RAW this week starts with HHH coming out. On the stage he actually seems to have a small smirk on his face. He didn’t do his normal spitting entrance and just threw his watter bottle to the side as he gets in the ring. He paces around the ring while the fans go wild and he is absolutely smiling now. The fans are wild for him. He says wow and they go wild again for him. He just soaks up the love. He wants to catch those of us living under rocks up to speed. About a month ago Trump bought RAW. Seven days later Vince bought it back for twice the price. That brought about the guest host of RAW. He’s there to announce tonight’s host. We may know him from film and TV – Austin Powers, Buffy. He’s co-creator of Robot Chicken… HHH announces his friend, Seth green. Out comes the little red headed man in his production company’s t-shirt. He had a bit of trouble getting over the second rope as he is such a short man. He bounces around the ring and bows to HHH. They shake hands and HHH gives Seth a mic. He says this is amazing and he’s thrilled out of his imagination to be on RAW. He wants to do exciting things as he can do anything he wants. he first thing he wants to do is really exciting – A six person Diva Swimsuit Summer Spectacular. It’s in the interest of the spirit of athletic competition. HHH says it’s totally an athletic event. It’s this type of outside the box thinking that makes Robot Chicken such a huge success. They put celebrities in strange places on the show. Take the premier of this season, they have probably the hugest star they’ve ever had. Biggest star on the planet. Seth said it was a big win for his show to get this person. Seth asks if the crowd wants to see a clip. The fans go wild, so they play it… It’s HHH in the ring in claymation. Then Dakota Fanning comes out to face HHH. It about turns into Celebrity DeathMatch. Then Cena comes out and gets involved. HHH says it wasn’t really him getting beaten up by Dakota. Seth says he was told by HHH that he had experience fighting little girls and winding them up since his first match with Orton. HHH says he didn’t actually call Orton a whiny little girl even though he is one. He has all the respect in the world for Orton and Fanning. They have something in common, neither have male genitalia. Of course Orton’s music plays and out he comes with his strap over his shoudler. Seth backs up a bit to be next to HHH, even though he doesn’t reach HHH’s shoulder. Orton says he has something HHH doesn’t and that’s the WWE Championship. He then talks about Seth taking shots at him. He says he’s known for having an anger management issue. he might RKO someone or punt them no matter how big or pathetically small they might be. HHH says he doesn’t want to tell Seth what to do, but how about HHH and Orton in the main event. Orton says HHH and Cena will both lose to him at NOC, no sense in making HHH lose twice. HHH says he should just drop him right now. Orton says he has nothing to say to HHH until NOC and nothing to say to Seth. He then turns back and asks Seth why he’s there. He asks if he’s ever been in a fight in his life. He thinks Seth is there so someone might mistake Seth for being a real man! Orton starts to leave but Seth stops him by asking Orton if he doesn’t want to hear the main event. Orton and Legacy will face HHH, Cena and… him! Orton smirks and leaves the ring. HHH looks worried but Seth looks excited.

Kelly is heading to the ring in a hot pink bikini.

– Commercial

The band Adelitas Way is in the front row holding up CDs. They recorded the theme song for WWE Superstars.

Lilian in the ring announces the Six Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular Match. Kelly, Gail and Mickie out to the ring as one team. Gail in white and Mickie in black. Maryse, Rosa and Fox come out together. Maryse in sparkly black, Fox in Green and Rosa in white.

Gail and Fox start off. Fox on the offensive but eats a back elbow. Gail takes Fox down but then Fox in control and Rosa tags in, but is not in a bikini but a one piece without a back. Kelly tags in and screws up her handspring back elbow to Rosa in a corner, but tries to cover as it wasn’t supposed to be screwed up. Rosa takes Kelly down for two. Fox in with a chinlock on Kelly. Kelly kicks Fox in a corner and crawls to her corner. Mickie and Maryse tag in. Cheap shot to Fox and a hurricanrana to Maryse. Mickie off a corner takes Maryse down hard for the pin but Fox and Rosa attack. Maryse attacks Mickie from behind after Mickie gets rid of the other two. Mickie shoulder first into a ring post and then a hard face plant and m,aryse gets the three.

– Winners: Fox, Rosa & Maryse

Video of the high points in the match while the heels pose in the ring. Maryse with her snotty attitude poses and snarls at Mickie.

Jericho is in Seth’s office. Seth starts to introduce himself but Jericho is high and mighty and knows who Seth is. He says Seth’s the man who’s made a career out of mocking Star Wars after claiming to be a big fan. The same way he’s mocking the WWE tonight by being the guest host in charge. Seth says he’s a huge fan of WWE and Star Wars. Jericho says if he was a huge fan he’d know Jericho is the biggest there is and should be pandered to. Seth says he’s sorry but wants to give the fans what they want. Jericho says they don’t know what they want until he tells them. Jericho goes on to talk about the Robot Chicken skate party tour. Seth talks about the tour bus and the parties for free. Jericho says he’s pandering to them by doing it for free. Seth says if all Jericho is going to do is bring negativity to it he should leave. Maybe he should leave. Jericho says he has something to say and will say it. Mr. Guest Host should stay out of his way.

– Commercial

WWE Slam Of The Week – Last Monday Edge and Jericho beat Carlito and Primo. Carlito attacked his Brother after the match and left him laying behind the announce table.

Primo is in the ring. He rattles off in Spanish and then calls out his brother. But it’s Miz who comes out. Miz asks where the other Colon is. Maybe he had something more important to do like get a cup of coffee. So Carlito is out and Miz is in. Maryse must be watching this so he’s going to leave Primo laying on the mat like the rejected Brother he is.

Miz backs Primo into a corner but Primo turns it around and throws punches. Big back body drop on Miz. Clothesline in a corner to Primo then a suplex for two. Chinlock on Primo in the center of the ring. “Primo” chants. Side Russian leg sweep on Miz and then a cartwheel and dropkick to Miz. Primo is whipped but then flies off the corner in a crossbody on Miz for two. Carlito comes out and gets in the apron to distract his brother. Miz gets control, slams Primo down and got the three.

– Winner: Miz

Miz leaves the ring as he and Carlito glare at each other. Carlito into the ring and kicks his brother. Carlito takes a bite of his apple, chews and spits it in his brother’s face while holding a foot on Primo’s throat. Carlito leaves the ring, staring back at his brother on the mat. On the stage Carlito stares back at Primo.

King and Cole talk about Edge’s torn achilles, when it happened and how he was operated on.

– Commercial

WWE Rewind – Chavo on his knees facing Hornswoggle on Superstars. Chavo beat the heck out of Hornswoggle, but Hornswoggle hit the tadpole and got the three.

Hornswoggle in Seth’s office. Seth tells him that was great and he has some good news for him. Tonight Hornswoggle will be facing Chavo. Hornswoggle doesn’t like this until he heard Chavo’s hand will be tied behind his back. Hornswoggle leaves. Seth turns around to see Big Show’s nipple at his eye level. Big Show says Seth wants to see him. Seth asks if Big Show has any advice? Big Show tells Seth to watch his match tonight to see how guys Seth’s size fare in the WWE. And if Seth wants advice it will cost him… Big Show puts his pinkie to his mouth and says ‘one million dollars’ and then laughs. Seth can’t help but laughing but then makes as if he’s annoyed as Big Show leaves.

MVP comes out to the ring. Jack Swagger comes out to face him. Swagger drops on the ramp to do a couple push ups to show off to MVP.

Swagger takes MVP down but then MVP comes back to send Swagger from the ring. Swagger is outside and pissed yelling at the announcers.

– Commercial

Back elbow to Swagger in a corner. Huge clothesline to Swagger. Swagger rolls from the ring holding his throat. Outside MVP takes Swagger down again. MVP throws Swagger in the ring. MVP goes for the playmaker but then Swagger throws him into a corner shoulder first. Swagger pins MVP for two. Huge scoop slam to MVP and then Swagger taunts him on the mat. Swagger splashes MVP off the second ropes for two. Forearms to Swagger and then he’s sent chest first into a corner. Punches then a face buster to Swagger. MVP hits ballin’ but Swagger kicks out. Swagger over the top but holds on and works on MVP’s injured arm. Gutwrench DDT to MVP for three.

– Winner: Jack Swagger

Jericho out back heading for the ring.

– Commercial

Cole and King talk again what happened to Edge last week at a house show and his injury. They show some graphic shots from the surgery. (I didn’t look.)

Jericho comes out to the ring looking rather pissed off. Jericho says for the first time in history that the Unified Tag Team Championships are held by one man and how ironic that it’s by the best there is. Just like Achiles Edge was taken down. He should have known the risk he was taking choosing such a frail partner and it blew up in his face. Edge was the weak link in the team and Jericho shouldn’t be punished for Edge. Jericho can’t defend at NOC against Legacy by himself. M
any of the losers in the crowd think he should give up his title right now. Or maybe Seth great will hold a tournament for the other belt. He’s smarter than all of us. When he agree to the match, it was put in his contract that he had it put in the contract that if Edge was injured he could pick a new partner. Someone opposite of Edge. Someone who’s truthful honest and just, just like Jericho. Henry’s music plays and out he comes with a smile on his place, but Jericho isn’t smiling. When Henry finally gets there Jericho says he’s exactly the type of partner he had in mind. Henry put his arm around Jericho and said they’d be a great team. Henry then says he didn’t come out to be Jericho’s partner. He came out there to be his opponent. Henry rips the jacket and shirt of Jericho and then stomps the heck out of him. Jericho slammed into a corner. Jericho rolls from the ring. Henry throws chunks of Jericho’s clothes to the fans. Jericho backs up the ramp in his pants and tie. Jericho is leaving the match while Henry shakes his head. Then Jericho back around to the side of the ring and on the apron, then down again. Jericho tells the ref to get Henry back so he can get in the ring. Each time Jericho almost gets in the ring he then backs off. All the way around the ring and to each side. Finally Jericho into a corner and Henry attacked. The bell rings and Henry throws Jericho around. Seth Green made this match. Henry slams a forearm to Jericho’s upper back. Henry tells Jericho loudly that Champions don’t run. Jericho thought he was getting the upper hand but then ran into a clothesline. Jericho rolls from the ring and backs up the ramp. The ref counts Jericho out.

– Winner: Henry

Jericho on the stage holding his arm while Henry celebrates in the ring. Henry gets the fans cheering for him on command and really seems to be having fun.

– Commercial

Hornswoggle comes out to the ring. Video of Chavo competing on his knees last week. Chavo comes out looking mad. He comes down to the ring talking smack. Lilian announces that Chavo has to compete with one hand tied behind his back. The ref ties Chavo up as Horny teases him.

Horny kicks Chavo’s leg and Chavo drops to his knees. Chavo taunts Horny. Horny bites Chavo again and attacks Chavo. Horny sends Chavo slamming into a corner and then stomps him. Horny pins for two. Stink face to Chavo in a corner. Horny goes to hit a dropkick on a sitting Chavo but gets a foot to his face to stop him. Chavo holds a foot on the back of Horny’s head. Chavo kicks Horny and tries for a suplex but Horny reverses it into a small package for three.

– Winner: Hornswoggle

Chavo is pissed in the ring.

Out back Orton says Ted looked his father square in the eye and slapped him. Orton says he’d have done the same thing. Ted says he father doesn’t want him to succeed, but only be exactly like him. Cody rushes in and says he heard a rumor that his father might be the guest host next Monday. Unlike some people he has a great relationship with his father. Ted doesn’t like that comment but then Orton gets in the middle and says they have a job, divide and conquer. Cena and HHH already don’t get along, they cancel each other out. Whatever they do, don’t tough Seth Green. Orton says he’s going to take Seth out personally.

– Commercial

Kofi comes out to the ring, not in wrestling gear. Video of Bourne pinning Kofi last week and then Big Show comes out and beats them both down. Kofi to announce. Kofi says he doesn’t know what Big Show’s problem is and that’s not a lot of fun. Evan Bourne comes out to the ring. Seth, out back, now in a red version of his production company’s t-shirt, getting ready for his match. Big Show comes out to the ring to face Bourne. (A ref I have never noticed is running this match.)

Big Show gets Evan up high and tosses him off. Big Show again tosses Evan across the ring like he weighs nothing. Big Show walks across Evan. In a corner Big Show slaps Evan’s chest then tosses him across the ring. Kofi is really good on mic! Evan tries to fight back but can’t get anywhere. Big Show tosses Evan out of the ring through the ropes. Evan climbs and hits a dropkick to Big Show’s shoulder. Spear to Evan who seemed to land badly. Then Big Show locked on the colossal clutch for three.

– Winner: Big Show

Kofi rushed the ring and sent Big Show flying from the ring with a dropkick. Big Show is livid and Kofi is pumped up. Kofi wants more! The ref helps Evan sit up. Kofi goes to help tend to Evan. Video of the spear Big Show hit on Evan. Video of the colossal clutch on Evan in slow motion.

King and Cole talk about Seth getting in the match later with Orton. They also talk about Robot Chicken. They show a sneak peak of the DVD – more Star Wars spoofing. Taking out of ewoks, but it turns out to be the geeky gamer telling the story.

– Commercial

The band Sick Puppies are in the front row holding up CDs.

King and Cole run through the matches already slated for NOC.

Someone playing with Iron Sheik and Santino action figures. They go back and forth. Santino gets the upper hand and then a Trish Stratus figure comes in. Santino is the one with the figures. The camera backs up and he’s sitting with Seth. Santino asks Seth if he can get a job with Seth’s show Electric Poultry. Seth laughs but then Cena and HHH are there. They get rid of Santino but then HHH says he forgot his doll. Santino says it’s an action figure Triply Hatche, there’s a difference. Cena asks if Seth’s ready. Seth says he’s getting more nervous by the minute and it might be a really bad idea. Cena says if Seth goes AWOL on him out there he’ll pummel Seth’s face into mush. Cena is really serious and Seth gets more nervous. Seth back peddles and Cena cracks a smile and says he’s teasing. Cena asks if he’s what, five foot seven? Seth says he’s five foot four. HHH and Cena laugh. HHH says it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but he’s in the best shape of his life, right? Seth says yes and uses his inhaler. HHH says if Seth wants to stay breathing he should stay close to HHH. Cena says Seth should stay close to him. HHH calls Cena Dudley Doo Right. Cena says they both know Seth will get killed anyway and walks away. HHH says Cena has a point and he leaves. Seth about turns green.

King and Cole announce the guest hosts next week are ZZ Top.

– Commercial

Orton’s music and he comes out with Legacy in tow. Seth Green has his own entrance and is next out looking quite nervous. He waits at the bottom of the ramp for his team. HHH comes out to the ring. Seth walks around the ring with HHH and watches from the announce side while HHH does his spitting routine. HHH poses in a corner right in front of Orton and Legacy who stand outside. Then Cena comes out to decent pop. Cena slides in the ring.

– Commercial

HHH in control of Cody and hits a sick delayed vertical suplex. HHH pins for two. Big punch to Cody’s head. HHH made like he was going to tag in Seth but then extended to Cena. Cena tagged in and took Cody down hard. Arm bar on Cody and they fans want Seth. Cena tags in Seth who gets in. Cena holds Cody. Seth runs and punches Cody down. Seth is thrilled and dances around. Cody up and Seth flees the ring. Cody after him around the ring but HHH takes Cody down as he comes around the corner. HHH throws Cody backin the ring and motions for Seth to get in there. Seth covers for two and then Cody tosses Seth off hard. Seth lands in his own corner and reaches up to tag in Cena. Cena in to reverse a move and hit a back body drop. The ref is distracted by Ted and Orton comes in to attack Cena with a neckbreaker. Cena rolls form the ring. Ted slams Cena into the corner back first while Cody distracts the ref. Cena struggles to his feet and the apron. Orton tags in and hits his impaler DDT through the ropes. Orton covers but Cena kicks out at two. Orton stomps the heck out of Cena in the heel corner. Ted and Cody double team Cena while the ref is distracted by Orton. Ted tags in then tags in Cody and they double team Cena. Cody stomps Cena in the head. Huge “Cena” chant from women and children. Full nelson on Cena. He starts to muscle out but then gets a knee to the ribs from behind. Double clothesline and both are down. Orton and HHH both tag in. High knee from HHH. HHH cleans house and hits a spinebuster. HHH sets up for the pedigree but Legacy attacks. Cena in to help clear house but Orton hits an RKO. Orton pins HHH but Seth walks in the ring. Seth locks his hands together and slams his elbows down on Orton to break the count. Orton to his feet and grabs Seth by the shirt. A kick to Seth’s gut and he’s on all fours. Orton sets up to punt Seth but Cena rushes in with a spear. Legacy in and they beat down on Cena. Seth out to the apron to stay out of the fray. Cody grabs a chair but HHH comes in with his sledge. The ref calls for the bell. Sledge to the chair to send it flying. HHH chased them all from the ring and then almost hit Cena with the sledge. They stare down, Cena looking nervous, HHH looking shaken. Seth back in the ring. HUGE “Seth” chants! Orton and Legacy on the stage looking pissed. In the ring Cena, HHH and Seth celebrate in the ring. HHH gets Seth up on his shoulder and parades him around the ring.

Biggest pop
Seth Green!

Biggest heat
Big Show